Yes, I know, I'm here. I'm back. Let's save the explanation for next time on why I was away from the online community for so long and why I have a new blog. For now, let's get this creative juice flowing before I lose it again.
image credits to google
BEING GAY
In response to Christine Bersola - Babao's Being Gay article that was published on March 11, 2013.
How should the parents address this? Some parents resort to threat and extreme military-style punishment. Some parents go to great lengths to explain to the child the consequences of being gay, so that the child can think, then make a choice.
Dr. Camille Garcia: “Explain that he is a boy and therefore, as boys, they grow up as men and their partners are women. ‘Hindi kasi tama ang makasama sa buhay at magpapamilya ay parehas na lalaki. Kung ayaw mo itama ang ginugusto mo, hindi namin matatanggap yun.’
I agree. God created men and women to be together and multiply. God did not create man to be with another man, and a woman to be with the same sex. However, threatening them with, "kung ayaw mo itama ang ginugusto mo, hinde namin matatanggap yun" can affect a child in a negative way. That as a son or daughter, they need to be perfect to be "acknowledged." Forewarning them that they will never be accepted is the same reason why a lot of gays are suffering in silence. Why most of them are choosing to hide in the closet. The people whom they are expecting to understand them foremost, are usually the ones disowning them.
Why is being gay still considered a shame in modern times?
We are all aware of the stigma of being gay, right? Being gay is still considered a shame in modern times because their family get teased as well. It is 100 times more hurtful for parents because like what Dr. Camille said, "Most families still cannot accept the fact that something went wrong with their parenting."
Nature v Nurture
The debate on nature v. nurture has been going on for years. As a student, and mostly an observer, gays, were either brought up in an effeminate manner or they were influenced by the environment they grew up in. Nobody can tell if gays are born that way, or are they made? What gives? All I know, is that both nature and nurture plays major role in one's holistic disposition. We also should not blame "gayness" because of lack of a man in the house. Someone a little boy would look up to. Not all kids are lucky enough to have both parents by their side all the time. Some parent die early. Some parents get divorce. Others, have to work far (abroad or domestic) so they could provide for their children.
Religion
Religion
God, from the beginning, gave us the freewill to choose. Some chooses what society say is morally wrong, being gay, that is. As for a parent, or parents, it is their job to talk to their kids about the choices in life they make. The possible consequences of the path they want to take. But I personally believe, that at the end of the day, one's decision is based on what he/she think is best and on what will make him/her happy. That being gay is part of the Greater Plan. That at the end of this life, we are not gonna be judged on how gay we lived. The God I know is not vindictive. And what will matter most when we face Him will be based on how we treated His other creations. Are we human enough to everyone? Are respectful? Did we become judgmental? Let us not be trapped by the dogma that gay people are pest. That one's gayness is epidemic. It is not a plague. It is not epidemic. It is not some viral infection, nor air borne.
What is disgusting on the other hand, is this society we are all a part of. The society that is made up mostly of small minded bureaucrats.
I think, the point of the whole article is to be moral. And that they ( Dr. Camille and Tin Tin) face this issue as morally and as Christian as possible. And as a psychology student, I am dismayed at how Dr. Camille tackled this issue. For me, she should have gave her opinions out as a mom and as a psychologist. Seems to me that this whole article was written to impress our religion.
So, I decided to ask some of my friends about this topic and before you read further down, may I ask you humbly, my dear readers, to read my Q & A with them with an open mind? Thanks. Here's what my friends have to say:
Rusell, is another blogger whom I met online some good 2 years ago. I don't know what it is, but we just hit it right off.
1. When did you found out that you are gay?
Hi,
Ok. Before I answer all of these questions, I would like everyone to know that there are different kinds of gayness right? You have your bisexuals, gays, discreet/closet gays etc. you might encounter those kasi e. :D
So, let’s start?
When did I found out I’m gay? Hhmmm… I always knew I was different. Sa generation ko kasi hindi na bago o kakaiba ang salitang “gay” o “bakla” kaya alam ko agad na hindi ako straight. (In my generation, the word gay or "bakla" is not taboo. So, I knew right then and there that I am not straight.) There’s always this feeling na takot akong mag open up and mag act naturally sa school at sa family. (There's always this scary feeling of me opening up to my family and to act naturally in school.) When I was in kinder, meron akong crush noon na lalaki. Ewan ko. (When I was in kindergarten, I had a crush on someone from the same sex. I don't know.) He was really cute and attractive. Maputi. May katangkaran. (Fair skinned and tall.) Malinis sa katawan and he was really mabango. (He looks clean and he smell good.) Nice pa siya sa akin kaya ayun. Yung sariwa kong puso nahulog sa kanya. (He was also nice to me that made me "fall" for him.) Charot! And everything started from there.
2. Are you openly gay around your family? Or just when around friends and co-workers?
Am I openly gay? I would say when im around friends and co-workers only. However, im not the kind na pag nasa bahay eh lalaking lalaki kumilos tapos pag lumabas na super lambot na. (However, I'm not the kind who would act tough at home and be all "softy" when I'm out.) No. im not like that. I’m just being myself. I really cant say na “openly gay” kasi hindi naman talaga ako nag out. (I can't really say that I am "openly gay" 'coz there was never an affirmation on my part.)
3. If you are openly gay around your family, when did you came out? Were they already suspicious? If yes, how did the coming out happened?
When did I came out? I never came out to anyone. We never sit down and talked about this with my family. I guess there’s no need to do that. No need to discuss things. Siguro naramdaman na lang ng mommy ko at mga kapatid ko na I’m gay. (Maybe, my mom and siblings are already having that feeling that I am gay.) No coming out kasi siguro (maybe because) no one’s asking me. However, I think I did came out to my Titas and Titos (Aunties and Uncles) kasi (because) they asked me. Sinagot ko lang tanong nila. (I just answered their question.) And then sabi nila “ok lang na magng bakla basta wag ka lang gagaya dun sa mga baklang nakikita mo sa kalye” (It's ok to be gay. As long as you will not end up like those gays in the streets.) you know those kinds di ba? (right?) Im not against them or anything but yun kasi yung na portray nilang image sa society (that's the kind of image they portray) and I can't blame my Titos and Titas. Tapos sabi pa nila “wag mo muna sabihn sa mommy mo kami na ang bahala”. ( I was advised by my aunties and uncles not to tell my mom just yet.) I thought sasabihn din nila yun sa mga pinsan ko pero until now wala pa rin silang idea. (I thought, my aunties and uncles would tell my cousins. But up to this point, none of them has the idea that I am gay.) Haha! Sa mother side ko yun ah (That's from my mother's side of the family.) pero sa father side… walang confirmation. Walang verification. So dedma. (As from my father's side of the family? no confrontation. no verification. None whatsoever.) Kung tatanungin niyo ko kung kelan ako mag out sa kanila….. (If you'll ask me when I'll finally say it out loud to my family).... eh para saan pa di ba? (What for?) I mean everything’s ok naman. (so far) I forgot. I think my dad already know im gay kasi last last year nung bday ko nagtxt siya sa akin sbi nia ('coz two years ago on my birthday, he texted me.) “kung anu ka pa kung sino ka pa tanggap kita kasi anak kita blah blah blah” (I am accepting you for what and whoever you are, because, you're my son.) pero hindi ako nag reply. (But I did not text him back.) So I guess alam na niya. (he knows) Btw, my parents were separated since I was in grade 1.
Is my family accepting as I would want them? I would have to say na sana (I'm hoping) it could be more accepting pa. In a way na nakakapag kwento ako sa kanila (that I could tell them) about my sexcapades, dating, aurahan (flirting) and relationship stuff. But I cant. I know they’re not ready for it. They will never be ready for it kasi ('coz) they will not understand. They will not understand kasi ('coz) they will never be gay. Parang sa mga straight friends ko, (same with my straight friends) 'pag nagsasabi ako sa kanila ng love problems ko (when I tell them all about my heartaches,) no matter how much I try to explain and how much they try to sympathize and empathize they just couldn’t understand fully. Pero (but) they’re always there for me kahit ganun nga ( regardless)... they’re still there. And that what matters, right?
5. Did being gay caused a lot of troubles when you were growing up? In school and in the neighbourhood?
Did it cause a lot of troubles? Oh yes, sa (in) school. Bullies. They’re everywhere. Worst thing that happened to me was sinipa sipa ako nung kaklase ko dahil nalaman niyang may gusto ako sa kanya. (I got kicked repeatedly by a classmate when he found out I have a crush on him.) Wala akong nagawa nun, iyak lang ako ng iyak. (I could not do anything at that moment I just cried.)Tas meron pang mga pagbabanta like isusumbong daw ako sa parents ko pag di ko ginawa yung gusto nila. (I was even threatened that they'll tell my parents about my sexuality if I don't do what they want me to do.) Sobrang traumatic yun sa akin, (It was really traumatic,) yung ma feel mong may threat sa identity mo? (when you get someone threatening to tell on you?) I mean you don’t feel secured in your own school? Grabe! (Oh, my gosh!) Sa neighbors naman, wala masyado kasi respetado yung family namin eh so walang gumagalaw samin. (Our family is well respected in our neighbourhood. Nobody teased me there.) Hehe! Yung (The) worst thing (emotionally) that I experienced was may nagsabi sa akin na mamamatay daw ako sa AIDS dahil bakla ako. (Somebody told me I'd die from AIDS because I am gay.)
6. Do you want kids of your own? If no, aren't you afraid of the future? Growing old alone?
Do I want kids? For now.. no! as in hard no! wahahaha! Actually, yung (the) thought of having children wala naman problema yun ang problema is yung process. (is not a problem for me. It's the "process" I can't take.) Jusko ah kahit malibog ako di ko keri ilapat ang mga labi ko sa skin ng mga merlat. (Oh, my, gosh! I admit, I am horny most of the time. But the thought of kissing and doing "it" with a girl?) Eeeew kaya! (No Way!) As in kadiri. (gross) Lels. I'm actually afraid of the future, growing old alone. Kahit naman ngayon eh, takot ako. (I am scared, even at this point.) Minsan naiisip ko pag nagkasakit ako sino mag aalaga sa kin? (Sometimes, I think about who's gonna take care of me when I get sick?) Sino magbabantay sakin sa hospital? (Who is gonna look after me at the hospital?) Good thing, I have circle of gay friends who happens to be na ganyan din ang fears kaya (fearing the same thing.) In the end, kami kami na lang dn magtutulungan. (it is us who'll be helping each other out.) We’ve been friends since HS and it's our 12th year anniversary. Hello, becks. (gay friends. Becks, [for those who don't know] is a gay lingo for gay.) Add niyo po sa FB becks full circle. (Add us on FB. Search for Becks Full Circle.) Charot! But we do have group page sa (on) fb. Hehe!
7. Lastly, what would you want the world to know about you?
What would I want the world to know about us? Nothing. Because, we’re not special or different, nor aliens. We are all the same. Its just that we have different sexual preference and orientation but other than that. We’re just the same. We live in the same world as yours. We pay taxes, we pay bills, we eat, we drink, we fart, we poop, we also have groceries to shop every weekend, we have jobs same as yours, we get depressed as well, we get hurt and we love. J
I Thenkyow!
1. When did you found out that you are gay?
- i knew i was gay since i was a little girl. i always played with robots, trucks, and plastic toy guns even though my folks would buy girly toys; i always choose to play with boy toys. the moment that truly solidified for me that i was gay was when i was in 6th grade and i had this girl crush feeling, but i hated this girl so much for being such an ass... still she was a friend and we worked well in class, and then after xmas party she yelled out my name, gave me a kiss and said "i'm sorry for being a bully, i was trying to make you hate me, but i just end up liking you a lot more. merry xmas." and then i just felt like "okay this is what it feels like when you know that you're not the only one who feels this way and its awesome that she likes you too." i came back to cavite after 6th grade and never talked to her again, but it was with her and at that moment that i knew i liked girls and it was a good memory.
2. Are you openly gay around your family? Or just when around friends and co-workers?
3. If you are openly gay around your family, when did you came out? Were they already suspicious? If yes, how did the coming out happened?
And lastly, from a family friend who is a Psychologist and a Mom of three.
1. What is your perception on gay people in general?
- My perception? Neither positive nor negative. The sexual orientation of a person that is brought about by a combination of genes, neurological structure, environment, life experiences, etc.
2. As a mom, what if one of your child is showing early signs of being gay, how would you approach your child?
- I would talk to him/her and explore what could be the possible aggravating and precipitating factors that cause such orientation. I would try to address some issues that I have control about.
3. As a psychologist, what what would you tell your kid if he/she is gay?
- As a psychologist, I would help my son/daughter to manage the stigma on gay people. I would try to explain to him/her the possible effects of his/her sexual orientation to him/herself, the community, especially the perception of people from the church. Would explain to him/her why things happen, positive and negative. And the responsibilities that go with it.
4. As a psychologist, what would you tell other parents with gay kids? What would your advice be?
- That sexual orientation is caused by nature and nurture. The most that they can do is to support their child. There might be a point where he/she needs professional help. Be open to it. Because early intervention to some emotional and psychological problem that go with it will go a long way.
I know, it had gotten long. I'm sorry. ;)
And this my cue now to end this post. First, let me share to you Lea Salonga's insights regarding this issue from her facebook page.
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- it just sort of happened with my family. we never had a conversation or any sort of affirmation event in our family about me being a gay. but there was this moment with each of my parent that i sort of gave them the fact that i was gay. with my mom, we were at the mall and i bought some food, and the girl prepping our food was cute and i just gave out this huge grin to this girl and i could tell this girl likes girl, and kinda forgot i was with my mom and then this girl started a small talk and by the time we had to pay the girl said that our meal was free and hope that we come back soon. my mom just gave me this "oh no you didn't!" look and i just shrugged and the girl winked at me and my mother gave me a "okay i get it" look/smile. and with my dad, he simply said "i don't care who you end up with, whether its a boy or a girl or a cat, as long as they are good for you, i'm happy with that." and that's about it. and also, if they weren't thinking since i was a kid that i was gay, then they must be the most naive and stubborn people i know, which they are, but they should have known since i choose to play with robots instead of barbies.
4. Is your family as accepting as you would want them?
- we don't talk about my gender or sexuality at home. we don't talk about who i dated or who i want to date or who i hang out with because most of the time i'm either asleep, busy or got food stuck in my mouth whenever i'm at home, but other than that, they are okay with it.
5. Did being gay caused a lot of troubles when you were growing up? In school and in the neighbourhood?
- not a lot. i mean you know how it was tough for me in HS. so as an escape, i'm not sure if you remember at one point, we had this really cute school nurse i think in sophomore or junior year, and i would act like i was ill and i would be sent to the nurse station and for the rest of the afternoon, i would be there hanging out with her and just talk to her. it was more of an escape that trouble knowing that i have this little thing in me where i know i can be happy when i'm not paying attention to the other things that caused so much pain in my life.
6. Do you want kids of your own? If no, aren't you afraid of the future? Growing old alone?
- yes i do want kids in the future, and there are ways to have your own child now and i know a lot of gay people who have done so and were successful of having a child and are now parent/s to a beautiful child. and if it does not pan out, i am not afraid of being alone. there's a difference between being alone and lonely compared to being alone and satisfied with life. i chose to be the latter. and there's a cat or dog somewhere at some point who's gonna need a home, right? LoL
7. Lastly, what would you want the world to know about you?
- not much, other than i'm still a work in progress. we all are. sexuality, religion, career, etc... are all just white noises in life, because at the end of the day, when i lay my head down and close my eyes, the last thing i think of is whether or not i liked the tea i drank before bed. its not easy to live a life that we can honestly say we're happy with, especially nowadays; but at least know the fact that either you and i tried our best not to be a dick towards other people. being kind is free, so is a smile.
And lastly, from a family friend who is a Psychologist and a Mom of three.
1. What is your perception on gay people in general?
- My perception? Neither positive nor negative. The sexual orientation of a person that is brought about by a combination of genes, neurological structure, environment, life experiences, etc.
2. As a mom, what if one of your child is showing early signs of being gay, how would you approach your child?
- I would talk to him/her and explore what could be the possible aggravating and precipitating factors that cause such orientation. I would try to address some issues that I have control about.
3. As a psychologist, what what would you tell your kid if he/she is gay?
- As a psychologist, I would help my son/daughter to manage the stigma on gay people. I would try to explain to him/her the possible effects of his/her sexual orientation to him/herself, the community, especially the perception of people from the church. Would explain to him/her why things happen, positive and negative. And the responsibilities that go with it.
4. As a psychologist, what would you tell other parents with gay kids? What would your advice be?
- That sexual orientation is caused by nature and nurture. The most that they can do is to support their child. There might be a point where he/she needs professional help. Be open to it. Because early intervention to some emotional and psychological problem that go with it will go a long way.
I know, it had gotten long. I'm sorry. ;)
And this my cue now to end this post. First, let me share to you Lea Salonga's insights regarding this issue from her facebook page.
And lastly, a quote to ponder: "Since God is the one who judges whether one will go to heaven or hell, it's their relationship with Him that matters, not the opinions of people." - Maryani
